just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
