her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
