It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
