we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
