East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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