Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
