I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
