what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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