im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
