I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
