I have demons in me.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
