Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
