this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
