he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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