That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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