In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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