hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
