id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
