your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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