So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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