Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
