what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
