I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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