I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
