just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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