i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
