You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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