You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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