Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
