so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
