No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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