When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
