i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
