So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
