So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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