I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
