i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
