This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
