My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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