Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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