pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
