theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
