Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
