Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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