Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
