Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
