My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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