OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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