nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
