Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Found your dick twin last night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
